Shoulda Stood in Bed

This week finds me knee-deep in loan documents and commercial leases at work and slightly more than a week away from the carnival that I am co-chairing for Connor's school. Today also was Parker's birthday. The plan was for me to pick up cupcakes at lunch and take them to preschool prior to the 3 pm snack hour. Here's how things actually went down:

12:00 - Realized that wasn't going to make it out of building for lunch. Resolved to pick up cupcakes on way to school. Became aware of gnawing hunger threatening to cause me to pass out. Tossed wallet to assistant and sent her on sandwich run.
12:05 - Accepted chicken salad sandwich, wallet and change from said assistant. Devoured sandwich. Wallet and change absorbed by pile of documents on desk.
12:20 - Ran over hem of new skirt with desk chair. Ripped said skirt. Pulled abdominal muscle craning around to see how much damage had been done to skirt.
2:10 - Became aware of time. Grabbed purse and change but not wallet.
2:30 - Arrived at front of "10 items or less" line at Super Target, patting self on back for expedited manner in which cupcakes and related items had been procured. Realized that did not have wallet. Begged checker to keep items at register.
2:31 - Conducted thorough search of car. No wallet.
2:32 - Placed outgoing call #1, to office. Confirmed wallet was still on desk.
2:33 - Placed outgoing call #2, to spouse. Begged for rescue and arranged to meet spouse in parking lot.
2:34 - Placed outgoing call #3, to elementary school. Explained that was "stranded," husband was "rescuing," and oldest child would need to wait at school for pickup. (Avoided mentioning cupcakes and lack of wallet, lest emergency sound - well, kind of pathetic.)
2:35 - Placed outgoing call #4, to preschool. Begged for delayed snacktime start.
2:36 - Decided to walk to beauty supply store across parking lot and purchase colored hair spray for oldest son's Halloween costume. Forgot lack of wallet. Selected can of $4.19 purple hair spray. Remembered lack of wallet. Located $4.20 in loose change and bills in purse, which was insufficient to cover price plus tax. Muttered to self and begged checker #2 to keep item at register.
2:40 - Received incoming call #1, from spouse, who was block away. Spouse sheepishly admitted that he had left without own wallet.
2:40 plus 1 second - Cursed spouse in front of God and country in Montgomery Plaza Super Target parking lot.
2:41 - Placed outgoing call #5, to preschool. Begged for further snacktime delay.
2:41-2:55 - Waited for spouse at location equidistant between Sally Beauty Supply and Super Target. Considered crying and/or throwing self in front of moving vehicle.
2:55 - Caught twenty dollar bills thrown by spouse of out of moving car window.
2:56 - Discovered that purple hair spray was on sale for $3.20 and therefore could have been purchased twenty minutes prior.
3:00-3:18 - Hit every light between Super Target and Baylor All Saints.
3:20 - Realized that pumpkin pull-apart cupcake cake covered in way too much orange and black icing was not going to win points with preschool teachers, particularly given twenty-minute snacktime delay. Insisted on cleaning up mess and kissed up to preschool teachers in every other manner possible.
3:45 - Arrived back at office. Noticed six-inch swath of orange cupcake icing on jacket sleeve.

All's well that ends well. The class loved the cupcakes (as did the office folks who benefited from the leftovers), and - total control freak (or "troll freak," in Parker-speak) that he is - Parker appreciated knowing that he had Mom and Dad running fire drills on his behalf. Connor griped a little about being marooned, but not as much as he griped about the colored hair spray, which apparently was "too lavender" and "not a true Yu-Gi-Oh purple."