The Times, They Are a Changin'

My (first) baby is a fourth grader, and a Webelo Scout. Wow, you blink, and it happens. At the pool today, I got the distinct impression that his choice of deck chair, and his insistence that I have a splash ball catch with him in a particular location (the better to show off his pitching, and over-the-shoulder catching, skills), were fueled by a desire to show off for certain female age contemporaries . . . .

So you will forgive me my nostalgia in sharing with you these, the "greatest hits" of Connor's second grade creative writing assignments:

"The Zoo Letter":

Dear Mr. Manager, I would like to work in your zoo. I could help feed the animals. I could also help heal the animals. I could event help clean the exhibits. Sincerely, Connor McGlinchey P.S. I hate cleaning the exhibits.

"Letter to the Mayor":

Dear Mayor Moncrief, I think we should have a new water/theme park in Ft. Worth. Because it would make the kids happy. Plus it would make a lot of money. I hope you will approve. Sincerely, Connor

(Observations: Most kids would have stopped at "it would make the kids happy" - but, nope, not Mr. Future Business Leaders of America. Also, I was not aware that we were on a first-name basis with the Moncriefs.)

"Street Sign":

(Accompanying a drawing of a Jeep passing a "BUF XING" sign) My sign is important becuase your car may get hit by a buffalo. And I'm sure you don't want that to happen.

"The Adventures of Sherlock Snows":

Once there was a snowman. His name was Sherlock Snows. He was the greatest snow detective. The best of the best. He has even solved epidemics. Once he was a scientist and he found a cure to the worst thing in all of Snow Planet . . . global warming. This just in, Sherlock has just found the missing emerald, diamond and ruby that were stolen by Lefty Calohan [sic]. And he has jailed Lefty himself. Wait it turns out Lefty is a girl. In other news there is a new kind of Slurpee. It is called Banana Swirl.

"My Brother":

It was October 29th, 2005. [Editor's note: Parker was born on October 29, 2004.] I was just about to turn six. [Ed.: Again, a year off.] And I had just started to go to South Hi Mount. [Ed.: Um, no again - but at least we're being consistent.] It was after school. And I was happily riding my bike across the street. And after about two hours of riding [Ed.: Huh? Our attention span stops at the fifteen-minute mark.] my dad came out and got me. And he told me that we had to get to the hospital right away. So we went to the hospital and my mom was there. [Ed.: Wow, what a coincidence!] And my dad told me that my mom was just about to have my baby brother. So we talked to my mom, and then we went home and got pajamas and my dad put me in a Nemo scrub suit. And we went back to the hospital We waited for a long time. And at about midnight my mom's doctor woke us up. And he told [us] my mom just had the baby! [Ed.: Parker was a repeat C-section. He was born at 11:21 am, less than two hours after Parnell and I got to the hospital and 12 minutes after we entered the surgical suite. Connor and my parents arrived at the hospital about an hour after we did. The scrub suit thing is true - he had little doctor's scrubs with Nemo fish all over them. My doctor's name is Adrianne, and she probably would object to being called "he."] And so we went and saw him in the nursery. But he was asleep so we spent the rest of the night at the hospital. And in the morning the rest of my family was there and they gave me presents! And they said it was because I was a big brother! And they had presents for Parker, too! And finally Parker woke up! [Ed.: We know we're in the home stretch of the story! Because we are using exclamation points!] And he was so little and cute! [Ed.: Almost eight and a half pounds, at two weeks premature. The cute part is true.] And he loved his rattle. It might even be the biggest change of my life! [Ed.: Only child for almost five years . . . you THINK it might be the biggest change?]