Don't Quote Me

Movie lines are a MOM's* (*Mother of Males') best friend.  I use them all of the time.

Okay, truth be told:  I overuse them.  BUT THEY GET THE JOB DONE.

When the boys dilly-dally en route to the dinner table:

"Tina, you fat lard.  Come get some dinner.  TINA!  EAT THE FOOD!"

[This would not be at all funny if either one of my children was remotely fat, and/or named Tina.  But Big Kid is tall and lanky, and Little Kid looks like the "after" in a P90x commercial.  Are 10 year-olds supposed to have six-packs and obliques?  Because mine does.

And, yes, what you are looking at above is a Napoleon and Tina BOXED ACTION FIGURE SET that, sadly, is out of production.]

When they pick at their food and then ask me to make them a "fourth meal" hours later:

"Knock it off, Napoleon!  Make yourself a dang quesadilla."

When they try to convince me that I should allow them to do something stupid:

"I sometimes have a feeling I can do crystal meth, but then I think, 'Mmm, better not.'"

When they fail to listen to me and proceed to take steps towards, indeed, doing something stupid:

"Don't put metal in that science oven, Rosalyn."

When they, indeed, do something stupid:

"You're killing me, Smalls."

When that something stupid causes me to take my attention away from a project at work:

"I WAS ABOUT TO CLOSE THE DAMN DEAL WITH THE VERMONT PEOPLE!"

Parenting: