For some inexplicable reason, this photo ran in the campus newspaper when I was in undergrad, and I cut it out, because I was fairly sure that Mikhail Gorbachev, Pele and Brooke Shields appearing in the same place together was a sign of an imminent apocalypse. It has been my "WTF" benchmark ever since.
[Props to the Internet for serving up this image immediately upon my request. All it took was a Google search of "Gorbachev Pele Shields" and, BOOM, there it was.]
Sorry, Mikhail, Edson* and Brooke, but there is a new WTF sheriff in town. Surely news that THESE people are returning to Netflix is conclusive proof that the rapture approacheth:
Seriously? We need a "fuller" house? With Kimmy Gibler in the Joey role? Will the actress who plays Kimmy go on to inspire Alanis Morissette to write another hate anthem, a la Dave Coulier? (By the way, does anyone else find it funny-slash-telling that Dave Coulier is the archetype of a bad boyfriend in Canada? We have Chris Brown, Canada. Your argument is invalid.)
Will Michelle Tanner return with an older, vaguely creepy husband in tow, and reveal that he happens to be related to the ex-Prime Minister of France? Will wacky hijinks ensue?
Will Uncle Jesse continually drop in, stick his head in the fridge and ask where they keep the Dannon Oikos yogurt?
In the words of Dakota Johnson on SNL: "I'm trying to can, but I literally can't."**
[* Yes, Pele's birth name was Edson. Thanks, Wikipedia! One of these days, I'm going to get around to sending you three dollars, or whatever it is you want me to send.
** BEST SNL line in recent memory. I can't even. Literally.]
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