God Bless Us, Everyone

After my initial "issues" with Sears a month or so ago, I attempted to return the incompatible Rock Band drums that I sort-of-accidentally ordered online. I went to the dock, and advised them that I needed to immediately return the item, so I would appreciate it if they would put it in a bag so that I could walk it down to Electronics. Semi-Helpful Dock Worker, after spending eons consulting with someone behind the closed dock door, told me that I would not have to carry the item downstairs and that, in fact, they preferred that the item remain where it was; rather, he would go down to Electronics with me, reference number in hand, the return would be processed there, and then I could go my merry way.

So far, so good.

Issue #1: No one seemed to know how to process this type of transaction.

Issue #2: The manager, who might know, was on a break.

Issue #3: The manager, once found, asked me for my receipt.

HUH? It's with the item, right? I ordered the item online, you sent it ship-to-store (not my choice, by the way - that was how the deal was set up), and wouldn't it come with a bill of lading, just like if you shipped it to my office or home?

Yeah, you'd think.

"You should have gotten an e-mail confirming your purchase."

Yeah, got that.

"Well, that's your receipt."

Ohhhhhkay . . . but I didn't need that receipt to pick up the item. I just swiped the credit card that I used to make the purchase into a little machine in a kiosk, and a link to my order popped up.

"It doesn't work that way with returns. We have to have the receipt."

BUT YOU HAVE THE ITEM! IT'S BEEN IN YOUR CHAIN OF CUSTODY THE ENTIRE TIME. I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN THE BLEEPING-BLEEPING THING!

"We can give you a 1-800 number, and you can call in, WITH YOUR RECEIPT, and cancel the order online."

AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"We're sorry, ma'am. The process would have been simpler if you had used your Sears card."

BUT YOU CANCELLED MY SEARS CARD BECAUSE I PAID IT OFF ON TIME, AND BLEEPING-BLEEPING AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

So, since my experience walking in the shoes of an Interpol-most-wanted criminal, I've been reminding myself to plod through the (completely ridiculous) steps necessary to cancel the transaction, but some combination of passive aggression and "I'm just too busy"-itis has kept me from sealing the deal. So today a lovely woman from the delivery dock called to remind me that my item was (still) at my local Sears store, and I confessed to her that I have just not gotten around to calling the 1-800 number and going through the steps that were outlined for me. To which she responded:

"Um, do you want me to do that for you?"

Do what for me?

"Cancel your order."

You can do that?

"Yup."

From your present location at the dock?

"Yup."

Um, do your coworkers know that this is a physical possibility?

"They should - and I apologize if they didn't tell you that it was an option. Hold, please, and I'll process that for you."

Thirty seconds later, she was back:

"Okay, so the transaction was cancelled, and $X was credited to your Master Card account ending in XXXX. Would you like me to mail you a receipt for this transaction?"

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He lives in the heart of every person who is competent and who prides himself or herself on being helpful to others - even in the midst of a holiday season, the stresses of which tend to make you want to care less, rather than more, about your fellow man.

Thank you, Awesome Sears Dock Worker Lady, for restoring my faith in your company and in people in general. I'll be singing your praises to your employer via online customer survey, for sure. God bless you and yours . . . .