Kid Stuff: The Over-Analytical One

Living with the Big Kid is occasionally like living with a combination of Mr. Spock and Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory.  I say "occasionally" because he is far more socially adept than either of those characters - but when he gets in analytical mode (dot, dot, dot).

Case in point.

One of our go-to car songs is Ralph World's kid-friendly cover of Roger Miller's "You Can't Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd."  Lyrics go like this:

Ya can't roller skate in a buffalo herd
Ya can't roller skate in a buffalo herd
Ya can't roller skate in a buffalo herd
But you can be happy if you've a mind to

Ya can't take a shower in a parakeet cage
Ya can't take a shower in a parakeet cage
Ya can't take a shower in a parakeet cage
But you can be happy if you've a mind to

All ya gotta do is put your mind to it
Knuckle down, buckle down, do it, do it, do it

Well, ya can't go a-swimmin' in a baseball pool
Ya can't go swimmin' in a baseball pool
Ya can't go swimmin' in a baseball pool
But you can be happy if you've a mind to

Ya can't change film with a kid on your back
Ya can't change film with a kid on your back
Ya can't change film with a kid on your back
But you can be happy if you've a mind to

Ya can't drive around with a tiger in your car
Ya can't drive around with a tiger in your car
Ya can't drive around with a tiger in your car
But you can be happy if you've a mind to

All ya gotta do is put your mind to it
Knuckle down, buckle down do it, do it, do it

And so on.

This is C, in my car, listening to this song:

"You COULD take a shower in a parakeet cage, depending on how big the cage was."

Um, okay, I think that he's referring to a regulation-sized cage, though.

"Does the song say that?  NO.  It does NOT.  He does not say, 'Ya can't take a shower in a regulation-sized parakeet cage.'  So, I'm just sayin', it's POSSIBLE."

Mmmkay.

"Also, you totally CAN go swimming in a baseball pool, if the pool happens to be an actual pool, with water in it, that happens to be baseball-SHAPED.  You know, with the laces painted on the bottom?  And, also, very few people with small children buy traditional cameras these days.  They shoot digital."


Yes, C.  Yes, they do.


"So, I'm just sayin', changing film with a kid on your back is sort of a lost art."

Riiiiiight.  It's called an ANACRHONISM.   Like that part in "Walk the Dinosaur" (another favorite kid-friendly car song) where the protagonist says, "I felt a little tired, so I watched 'Miami Vice.'"

"Mom, I KNOW what an anachronism is.  Please."


Then the Little Kid pipes up:

"Ricky Bobby drove around with a cougar in the car.  Her name was Karen."

Indeed.

"So, if you can drive around with a cougar in the car, you probably could drive around with a tiger in the car."

At this point, Big Kid rejoins the conversation:

"Um, Talladega Nights is FANTASY?  [At this point, I wait for the Little Kid to argue that it's REALISTIC FICTION, because since the age of five or so he has been obsessed with assigning every book, movie and television show to one of the following categories:  FANTASY, REALISTIC FICTION and REALITY.  Yes, I realize that I am raising two mini-Coopers.  It was sort of inevitable, under either of the nature or nurture theories.]  But you could still drive around with a tiger in the car, because they don't say WHERE the tiger is INSIDE the car.  You could put him in the trunk."

Little Kid:  "NO, you could NOT.  That would be animal cruelty, and animal cruelty is illegal."

Big Kid:  "Okay, maybe it's a car specially built for driving around a tiger.  Like a truck with a horse or cattle trailer, but the trailer is integrated into the car."

Like the Popemobile.

Both kids:  "HUH?  What is a POPEMOBILE?"

And thus Mom seized the upper ground in THAT conversation.