Friend Melanie (amazing director of Cystic Fibrosis Foundation - Fort Worth) to me:
Kendra Scott revenue sharing night, benefiting CFF. We get 20% of sales between 5 and 8 pm on August 5th..
Me to Spouse:
I have to buy trendy jewelry on August 5th. IT'S FOR CHARITY.
Spouse to Me:
Well, sure. I mean, it's basically a moral obligation.
(Yes, I realize that I won the husband lottery.)
Me to Spouse at 9 pm this evening:
You bought me the "Alexandra" in abalone shell and the "Danielle" in iridescent tangerine.
[Photos below, for the uninitiated.]
Spouse: Well, good for me.
Me: Yes, you're very charitable and civic-minded. You thought about buying the tangerine ones in the "Elle" [Elle is Danielle's petite sister], but the difference in price was only $10, and, you know, $2 of that goes to the kids, so that was that. You also got a 15% off coupon good towards your next purchase.
Spouse: And what else are we needing?
Me: Well, I purposely didn't buy a necklace, because I saw you eyeing one the other day, and I know that you want to buy it for me.
Spouse: No, you mistook intent for confusion. It looked like [Name of Friend] had hung a single Danielle earring on a chain and attached a graduation tassel to it, and I wasn't sure if that was an actual thing or if she had gone rogue.
Me: It's an actual thing. And you should consider buying one before September 30th [expiration date on coupon].
[Necklace in question - the "Rayne," shown here in mystic iridescent - is below.]
[You can kind of see his point, right?]
Spouse: I'll take that under advisement.
Me: I also remembered to stop at Bath & Body Works, and use that coupon, and they were having a "buy three, get three free" sale on top of that, so I really cleaned up. Small pun intended. Oh, and I got another coupon, which I plan to use on candles. [They have one called "Sweater Weather." I have no idea what SW smells like, but I'm going to buy it based on the name alone, so GOOD JOB, B&BW MARKETING TEAM!] I can give you a shopping list - you know, if you want to stop by there when you get my non-graduation-tasseled necklace. I'm going to take a bath now, but first I'm going to do that thing where I try on different outfits with different accessories and ask your opinion.
[I didn't actually say the last part, because it's pretty much assumed.]
A few minutes later:
Me: What do you think of this Mexican blouse with the abalone earrings and this [non-Kendra, previously owned] necklace? You know, for tailgating.
Spouse: I think the necklace is too much, given all of the embroidery up top.
Me: You would be right, if my hair was down, but my hair is UP, so I can get away with the earrings AND the necklace AND the embroidery.
Spouse: [Blank expression.]
Me: See, when my hair is up, that's like one less accessory, and it also says "I'm kinda bohemian and devil-may-care and don't give a rat's patoot if you think I've got too much going on, because THIS IS JUST HOW I ROLL."
Spouse: I learn something new from you every day.