Personal Statement

Personal Statement

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The Event: The McGlincheys Move to Europe

Okay, we're not moving to Europe - but our kitchen is.  Or, more precisely, Europe is moving into our kitchen.  Bringing with it induction cooktops and convection ovens.

After many hours spent staring at things in home improvement showrooms, we have determined that we are not a double oven family. What we are is a “single oven with two microwaves, one of which also has true European convection and infrared broiling” family. When I started to think about it, I very rarely need two ovens, but there are tons of times when I wish I had two microwaves. And if one of those microwaves also bakes and broils . . . sold.

Item on the left: Jenn-Air oven with multi-mode convection and professional handle. It’s ridiculous how much I love that professional handle. They make the same model with a normal handle (like the one on the right) that would allow this item to blend in with the other items in close proximity – but I don’t care if the professional handle clashes, because everything about it is amazingly right.  It feels good in the hand, it's a substantial weight, the ratio of the weight of the handle to the weight of the door is exactly perfect.  Everything just balances, dammit.  So I'm getting my handle, overall aesthetics be damned.

Dad approves of the Jenn-Air (and a similar Kitchen-Aid model that I don’t like as much, BECAUSE IT DOESN’T HAVE THE PROFESSIONAL HANDLE), because it is capable of doing complex math calculations in its little oven head.  You program in the regular temperature and time and it converts to convection numbers.  I'm not entirely sure, but it's possible that it will even do your taxes for you.

The kids like the Jenn-Air because IT SINGS TO THEM. I am not making that up.  Opening the door powers up the onboard computer, and the computer plays a happy little chime to let you know that it's awake and ready to cook things for you.

Did I mention that it has a "Favorites" feature - not unlike Microsoft Explorer or Mozilla Firefox?  You can bookmark your favorite cooking times.

Yeah, I'm fairly sure that the thing also does taxes. 

The heating element is hidden (so nothing drips on the burners), and there is the most amazing insulation around the door. Seriously.

The Kitchen-Aid has the same insulation, and - as noted above - it also does the conversion thing.  But it does not chime, and IT DOES NOT HAVE THE PROFESSIONAL HANDLE (which is weird, because the professional handle is offered as part of an oven/range combo, but not in the wall oven).  I am afraid that I will end up with the Kitchen-Aid, because Spouse is on a streak of finding amazing deals on Kitchen-Aid appliances, and Spouse is in charge of purchasing.  (This is what Spouse does best.  His skills at finding stuff that fell off of trucks would put any mid-level Mafioso to shame.)  If I end up with the Kitchen-Aid, I will still be happy - notwithstanding its lack of chime, professional handle AND Favorites button, and did I mention its odd cobalt blue interior?

Okay, I really want the Jenn-Air.

Item on the right: bad-a** Miele microwave oven with true European convection and infrared broiling.  It does not sing, but if it did, it would sing "Deutschland Uber Alles."  Miele is just a bit smug about its products, in that smug German way (Miele's tag line:  "Immer Besser," which translates into "Ever Better"), but with good reason:  they totally rock. 

And I totally want this oven in my kitchen.

Regular oven is going on the bottom (but not too low). Miele microwave is going on top, and in between (at kid height) we plan to build in a traditional microwave (the kind where the door opens outward; the Miele model opens down, like a regular oven), so the kids can pop their popcorn, etc. The Miele is possibly too complicated for child use, although part of my reason for selecting this model is that you switch from micro to convection to broiler using dials, and the options surrounding the dials are spelled out in big, clear letters.  In other words, it's somewhat more idiot-proof than the convection microwaves with the panels, which scare me, because you could brush up against the wrong button and accidentally cause Armageddon if you have the wrong pan inside.  This one has dials.  (When I typed that, I did so using my best Nigel Tufnel voice in my head:  "This one goes to eleven.")

My kitchen is going to be amps on eleven.  If it ever gets finished.

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