While watching Witney (she of the missing H) and Lindsay perform on "So You Think You Can Dance":
Me: Those crazy Mormons. First, they took over the blogosphere, then Pinterest, and then two of them ran for president. Now they are dominating "So You Think You Can Dance." What's next? The world?
Big Kid: Do you think that they will be benevolent overlords? Or will they put us in work camps?
Me: Well, if they do, it will be fun work. Heavy on crafts and DIY projects, with a little test kitchen stuff. You might get put on a "pantry interior stenciling" work crew, but that would be as bad it would get. And everyone would be really well-dressed, and very clean.
Big Kid: Okay. I could live with that. Bring on the Mormon overlords.
While watching the news with Spouse:
Newscaster: Police need your help in catching fugitive members of a meth ring.
Spouse: Really? Because I'm thinking that there could be some danger in that. Kind of sounds like the sort of thing that is best left to professionals.
Newscaster: Thirty people are now charged with distributing methamphetamine in North Texas. The illegal drugs originated in Mexico.
Me: Well, now THAT's just WRONG. There is a family somewhere in a trailer in [name of adjacent county] who is suffering because that meth ring chose to bring stuff over the border, precluding local "Breaking Bad" types from earning a dishonest wage. Whatever happened to "Buy American?" WHEN WILL THE OUTSOURCING END?
[In case you were wondering . . . I really did marry my soul mate. And both kids show signs of having inherited our twisted worldview. All of the above makes me insanely happy.]