Personal Statement

Personal Statement

Friday, August 3, 2012

Why My Family Thinks I'm a Space Alien

New ginormous flat screen TV is up over the fireplace (justifying that stupid plug that just "happened" to get installed in a highly strategic, and suspicious, location on Spouse's watch).  Old flat screen has moved into our bedroom.  New TV has associated with it a new Blu Ray player.  Old TV is hooked up to a slamming sound bar.  And, as of mid-afternoon, everything is hooked up to DirectTV. 

Spouse sprang for premium channels.

And extra 3D glasses for the new TV.

Due to a glitch-y Dish Network box, it is the first time in ten weeks that I have had an actual live television feed to the bedroom.

Soooooooo . . . what did I do first?

Locate the "Sonic Tap" channels.  Cue up "Old School Funk."  And listen to Con Funk Shun and Curtis Mayfield, while title, artist and CD information scrolled across an otherwise black screen. 

This bothers the men in my household:

It's not a stereo.  It's a television.  You WATCH it.

But I like to listen to music more than I like to watch TV.  Truth be told, TV doesn't do that much for me.

Blasphemy!  So go ahead and LISTEN to music, heretic - just not through the television.

But genre stations are awesome.  And the sound bar works really, really well.   Seriously, listening to music on the television is my favorite.  So, you know, stop the hate.

Okay, but can you at least act excited about the new TV?

Honest answer?   Until cables are buried, or pulled, or conduit-ed, or whatever, that thing is a major pain in my tuckus.  And even when the wire snarl has been managed, I will still have a huge TV over my mantel, where a really nice painting could go.  That's fine for so long as the Olympics are on, because the scenes from the swimming and water polo arenas actually match the decor in the front really nicely.  But, once all of those watery aqua hues are replaced with something less aesthetically pleasing . . . .  Hey, where's that aquarium DVD?


Yeah!  Let's fire up that bad boy.  Or, speaking of fire, we could try the yule log DVD.  That would be funny, wouldn't it?  A fireplace OVER a fireplace?  Ooh!  Don't they have similar DVDs with art slideshows on them?  I'm going back to the bedroom to listen to Stevie Wonder while I search Amazon for software that will turn our new TV into a giant painting.

[Three-man synchronized facepalm.]

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