A few months ago, Friend Robyn had a ridiculously cute baby boy, which means that (1) she is now a card-carrying MOM (Mother of Male) and (2) we have ANOTHER thing in common to talk, or text, about at random times. On today's list of topics: did I find myself feeling less creative after either pregnancy? Hmm, interesting. I definitely noticed some subtle personality shifts - and other odd stuff. My hair changed texture and got darker. And I started craving a good red sauce. But a decline in creativity didn't ring a bell - at first.
As we discussed the likely extent to which temporary personality changes were attributable to hormonal effects on brain chemistry versus flat-out emotional and physical exhaustion, the bell rang: OH. I DO remember a sudden drop in creativity - but it wasn't tied to a pregnancy.
It was tied to a flippin' house.
And it hasn't completely been set to rights (my creativity, not the house - okay, who am I kidding, there's still a few boxes around the house as well). By the way of evidence, I would point to the infrequency of my blog posts. Yes, I had an excuse through roughly the end of June, but after that, I could make my way from point A to point B in the house without running into a wall of boxes, and I had breaks in my evenings where I wasn't unpacking or dealing with house stuff, and I could (and did) find the time to get on the computer. I just couldn't muster anything funny, or meaningful, or even coherent, to say.
And I have decided that that's okay. Because the roller coaster that is life after a major insurance casualty (particularly when it's your first - and, PLEASE, let it be our ONLY - major insurance casualty) is not at all unlike the process of becoming a parent for the first time. You go through things for which you have no frame of reference, and some conditions just spring themselves on you without warning, and you have to push through a lot of nasty stuff through sheer force of will, emerging on the other side deliriously happy, but knowing that your way of looking at the world is forever changed. And, also, you're in a little bit of shock: what the hell? Did all of that just happen?
Recovering from anything life-altering and paradigm-shifting is a process, I guess. And you have to respect the process. So, on those days when I pull up a blank blog post page, give my surviving brain cells the opportunity to engage, and they radio down to my waiting digits, "Yeah, we got nuttin'," I have decided not to despair. I will start to find the funny, more consistently, at some point in the (hopefully near) future. But I will endeavor to stir the brain coals more often, because I think that that's part of the process, too.
Looking for the funny, starting . . . now.