Connor Weighs In On . . .

Pulled out Connor's early elementary school writing assignments the other day and uncovered these gems. All date back to first grade.

Connor on . . .

. . . classroom discipline: Today we went to Ms. Matlock's class for a rotation. But only a few of us were nice the rest of us were fighting. So now we can't do our last rotation we can't talk to each other and we can't eat our cake.

. . . history: Abraham Lincoln lived in the North, he also was born there. When he was nine he moved to the South. When he got there he wanted to stop slaverie. So he did. [Editor's note: I knew that Lincoln was an amazing man, but apparently I had no idea just how amazing he was. For years I have labored under the impression that he eradicated slavery as an adult. You know, because of the beard, and the height and all. But perhaps "slaverie" is something different than "slavery"? Something that he eradicated early in life, as training for the bigger battle to come? I will have to ask the expert - who probably doesn't remember writing this.]

. . . history, Part 2: I am related to the third president Thomas Jefferson. He was the one who wrote, "Declaration of Independence." [Editor's note: Ooh, I love that one. Also the follow-up, "Constitution."] Because my book and my mom say so. [This piece is illustrated with a drawing of a tree, with Connor's initials written at the bottom, and "TJ" - who is a distant cousin - inexplicably appearing in one of the branches. Oh, and at the bottom is an illustration of my head, with a speech bubble that says, "YOU ARE RELATED TO TJ."]

. . . geography: Maps are cool, because there are map keys, and pictures on them. I know that it is a fact, except for the part about maps are cool.

And here are some creative writing exercises for your (very short-lived) reading pleasure:

The Amazing Warthog: One upon a time there was a zoo warthog that got bit by a magic mosquitoe. That gave the warthog superpowers! And a cool uniform. Now he protects every living thing that enters the zoo.

Animal Friends: Once upon a time there were two jungle animal friends. Their names were Bobby Gorilla and Joey Lemur. They wanted to build something that would feed them. So they did.

My Cats: I have two cats named Max and Barkley. [Editor's Note: Yes, we have three cats, but the exercise was to "write a make-believe story about two animal friends who have an adventure, using pronouns in your story." And Gabby is featured later in the piece. That is all, carry on.] They go on adventures. [Did you notice the pronoun usage? Carry on again.] Once they climbed Mount My Dresser. And another time they went into outer space, A.K.A. my bed. But their biggest adventure was when they chased a monster (Gabby) away from their watering hole (sink).

Finally, perhaps the best "use your vocabulary words in sentences" homework submission of all time:

The farmer, a painter, a reader, a teacher, a visitor, a tourist, a violinist, an inventor, an actor, a hunter, a sailor, a finalist, an artist, a waiter and an NFL player all came to Fort Worth.

To which his long-suffering teacher responded: "Please write more than one sentence and actually show the words' meanings."

Hey, that wasn't the assignment. And have I mentioned how much I love my kids?