Personal Statement

Personal Statement

Monday, July 21, 2014

Apropos of Not Much: Meandering Musings for a Monday (July 21st Edition)

Personal injury attorneys amuse me.

(Clarification:  some of their ads amuse me.)

Among my favorites:

1.  The Risperdal class action ad.  This is the one that tells you that if you or your son took Risperdal and have symptoms of gynomastia (development of female breast tissue), you may have a cause of action.  The ad then offers you a "discreet evaluation."  Disclaimer:  I am not in any way making light of (a) men with gynomastia issues (Risperdal-related or otherwise), or (b) anyone who may have been harmed by Risperdal.  That being said, every time I hear the "discreet evaluation" reference, my mind flashes to a stereotypical law office (lots of mahogany and walls of leather-spined statute books), wherein the following exchange occurs:

Attorney:  Ms. Jones, if you wouldn't mind closing the door on your way out, to allow the client and I to have some privacy?  [Door shuts.]  Now, if you could just lift your shirt a bit . . . .

[Male client lifts shirt.]

Attorney:  Yup, those are some tig ol' bitties.  Here's an engagement letter - just sign at the bottom.

2.  Any ad that informs you that, if something killed you, you should immediately contact the law firm running the advertisement, somehow overcoming in the process the significant logistical obstacle of being a dead person.  I am referring specifically to any ad that phrases the pitch as:

If you or a loved one suffered a seizure, OR EVEN DIED, you should contact the law firm of X.

No.  Just, no.

If you or a loved one suffered a seizure, OR your loved one DIED, you should contact the law firm of X.


Dead men tell no tales.  And they usually don't engage legal counsel.

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