IT'S SUPER WEEK IN NORTH TEXAS! Well, actually, NEXT week is Super Week. This week is officially "the week that North Texas demonstrated to the world that it's sort of bat-you-know-what crazy."
Scenes from my walking tour around downtown Fort Worth:
1) New sports bar in town, just in time for the big game! Wow - what a coincidence. And, actually, sports bar is probably not the right term for it. The big sign upfront advertises it as a "sports cantina," but judging by the frighteningly young waitresses sporting tight tees slashed down to there and rolled up there, tattoos, belly piercings AND BRACES (seriously, they all seemed to have them), I'm thinking that a better description would be "Hooters franchise in Matamoros" or "border town brothel offering libations." But it has great happy hour drink specials, and the beef tacos (served in corn tortillas with lots of fresh onion, cilantro and jalapeno, plus a lime wedge) were FA-BU-LOUS. Yes, I ate there. For the record, I also eat at Hooters on occasion. Never had the occasion to do so in Matamoros, though.
2) Milan Gallery is showing works by Steve Sabol! That's right - the voice of NFL Films makes sports-themed collages. I particularly liked the one in the front window, featuring an image of Tom Landry and two scantily clad women. Because when I think of Tom Landry . . . I totally don't think of scantily clad women at all. Sorry, Steve. Also - ew.
Next . . . .
3) The usually stuffy and uptight Jos. A. Banks store is trying to get in the game by dressing their windows with wardrobe selections featuring the colors of the two Super Bowl teams! I am guessing that this was improvised and they simply made do with items that they had in stock. That, or they have profiled Steelers fans as "pimps" and Packers fans as "dorks." The black and gold selections: a black cashmere overcoat over a gold turtleneck with some sort of silk scarf, and four folded black buttondowns with garish bright gold silk ties on them. The green and gold selections: yellow v-neck sweaters, white shirts, green foulard ties. Your basic Perry Como look.
Continuing north . . . .
4) ESPN has arrived in Sundance Square! Wow . . . how underwhelming. A tented stage, another tented stage, a bunch of equipment trucks . . . and shrubs. Tons and tons of potted shrubs to block off the streets. Also a flatbed truck with what appears to be a whole mess o' potted trees. Kind of confused by all of the vegetation - but, whatever.
5) The old Billy Miner's Hamburgers location is now a Lids Locker Room! Selling Super Bowl-logo'd stuff that no rational person would ever want! My favorite: a grainy photograph of the Super Bowl trophy mounted to a piece of balsawood, and they jigsawed around it, but there's no hanger on the back, or means of making it stand up. I guess you're supposed to just LEAN IT against something. But not outside: there is a sticker on the back advising you that the ugly, useless trophy-esque tchotchke is "FOR INDOOR USE ONLY." Also, it's $14.99, if you are wanting to run out and buy one based on my glowing recommendation.
Heading back to the office:
6) Downtown restaurants REALLY want your business! Mi Cocina (upscale Mexican) is OPEN FOR BREAKFAST. Picchi Pacchi (hole-in-the-wall Italian) is NOW SERVING COKE ZERO. Fox & Hound (sports bar) will BE OPENING AT 8 AM STARTING ON JANUARY 27TH THROUGH THE SUPER BOWL. Wait, what? Does that mean opening every day at 8 starting on the 27th, or is this a round-the-clock thing? Who finds being at a sports bar at 8 am appealing - or anything other than tragic and sad? As my walking tour companion noted, "That wasn't even appealing in college on Spring Break." Also, Fox & Hound wins for "saddest sign." It was a piece of white letter-sized paper tacked to a window with two pieces of Scotch tape. Way to phone it in, guys.
As we entered the next block, I halfway expected Corner Bakery Cafe to have a sign screaming WE SELL FOOD! But, to their credit, no sign - I guess that they figured that "Cafe" covered it.
Stay tuned for more insanity. Seriously - there's going to be a lot of it. And I'm going to make fun of it all.