Personal Statement

Personal Statement

Monday, March 14, 2011

Kid Stuff: Malaysia Update

I happened to mention to the spouse the other night that Parker casually brought up the fact that he blew up Malaysia when he was three. Spouse looked at me like my hair was on fire. Then Parker breezed through the kitchen and said, "Don't make a big deal out of it, okay? IT HAPPENED. And it was AN ACCIDENT. I put a bomb in a factory, and it exploded. I didn't mean to blow up the whole country."

Questions. So many questions.

1. Where did this kid get his imagination? Seriously.
2. How is he even aware of the CONCEPT of Malaysia? I am racking my brain as to what piece of pop culture might have hard-wired Malaysia into his. The prime minister of Malaysia factors in the plot of "Zoolander," but we haven't let him watch that film - uh, um, recently. Yeah, it's been years (like letting a two year-old, versus a six year-old, makes it better somehow?).
3. So the part that would be an accident (excuse me: would be AN ACCIDENT) would be the "blowing-up-ALL-of-Malaysia" part? Because blowing up SOMETHING in Malaysia would seem to be contemplated by the whole "putting-a-bomb-in-a-factory-in-Malaysia" part.
4. What's the protocol here? Am I supposed to notify someone in law enforcement that my child is a possible terrorist? Or the CIA that my child is expressing an interest in counterterrorism at an early age? Does Quantico have any summer camp openings? Is he working on a screenplay for an action film? Should I notify someone in Hollywood of a potential "development project" that they could option?

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