"Mom? Did you hear about Japan? They had an EARTHQUAKE. And a TSUNAMI. But we won't have a tsunami here. Dad showed me, using my soccer ball."
[Huh? Parnell proceeded to explain how he taught a short lesson about plate tectonics, apparently using a soccer ball as a visual aid to explain away Parker's newborn fear of tsunamis. Funny, I would have used a MAP, seeing as how we're five or six hours inland. But that's just how I roll.]
"Career Day was AWESOME. We had a visit from a FIREFIGHTER, a POLICEMAN, a DUDE who loves NATURE . . . . Yeah, he was this DUDE, and he brought TWO SCORPIONS and a SNAKE. And he told us not to be afraid of the scorpions." [But it was perfectly okay to be scared of the snake? Wait - on second thought, we would like to instill in you a healthy respect for snakes, so, go, Nature Dude. Although, come to think of it, we'd like to instill a healthy respect for scorpions as well. So, bad, BAD Nature Dude - if that is your real name.]
Parker (playing with his stuffed animals - Alphie, a stuffed ADPi lion mascot "borrowed" from his mom; Baby, a Care Bear that he has toted around since infancy; and Icebat, one of his many Uglydolls): "AWKWARD!"
Mom: "Um, why did you say 'Awkward'?"
Parker: "Because these guys were talking, and then they ran out of things to say, so there was, like, SILENCE, and when that happens, you say, 'AWKWARD!'"