Monday, March 19, 2012
Kid Stuff: Superman's Nipples
Review of "Justice League: Doom," as recounted by my seven year-old to his father:
"You'll like it, Dad. I mean, it may confuse you at first, but it will make sense at the end. [Editor's note: he's right. It's a cartoon, but it's a cartoon meant primarily for adult consumption. The plot is incredibly complex, but the payoff is worth a little confusion upfront.] There are three swears. Cheetah says the C word [that would be "crap"], and Wonder Woman says the H word ["hell"], and there are two D words ["damn"]. Wait, is that three swears, or four? Anyway, there aren't any REALLY BAD swears. The only really bad thing is - um - C, tell him about the bad part."
Big brother looks up, genuinely confused.
"What bad part?"
"Um, no, clearly I don't."
[Big sigh.] "Okay, Dad, so Superman gets shot by a kryptonite bullet, and they have to take the top of his uniform off of him in order to operate, and [in a whisper] HE HAS NIPPLES AND YOU CAN SEE THEM."
Dad thanked him for the warning and agreed to assume the risk of being scandalized by Superman's nipples.
It does occur to me that, when Superman and the other male Justice Leaguers are shown without shirts in the Cartoon Network JL universe, they are nipple-less. And GI Joe has a smooth chest - as does Barbie. So I suppose that it is not outside the realm of possibility that a seven year-old would think that nipples are optional.
God, I love kids.