Personal Statement

Personal Statement

Monday, December 12, 2011

12 of 25: All I Want for Christmas Is a Truckload of Money From the Tooth Fairy, Some Non-Crunchy Breakfast Food and a Way-Back Machine

Big Kid turned twelve, and apparently his twelve-year molars got the memo. He lost tooth #1 on the drive to school on Thursday, and this morning I awoke to, "Oh, good, you're up. LOOK," followed by a bloody tooth being shoved into my field of vision. Today's tooth was not a molar. It was the lone eye tooth that was hanging on in his mouth.

Now he has a gap on one side that you could drive a truck through, and I am informed that other teeth have provided their notices to vacate, so good thing that we took family photos when we did.

Of course, I was called upon to make pancakes on the spur of the moment, "because I just don't think I can chew anything else, Mom." Fortunately, I have the assembly-line pancake thing down, and I always make extra to warm up in the microwave the next day, so that's Tuesday's breakfast taken care of. Dad inquired as to the breakfast options available at Big Kid's school and was informed that, "Everything's too hard to chew."

Do they have eggs?

"Yes, but the eggs are crunchy."

Excuse me?

"You know, like an omelet?"

What the heck kind of omelet are they serving you? Oh - it's the FILLING that's crunchy. Bacon, apparently, is involved.  But do they offer anything else? Scrambled eggs, maybe?

"Only way you can get scrambled eggs is in a tortilla, and I don't think I could tear a tortilla with my remaining teeth."

Have you considered OPENING the tortilla and just eating the egg filling, perhaps with a fork?

Never mind. This is my blonde child we're talking about. (It's okay - I was once a blonde child myself, so it's totally not racist when I say it.)  The same blonde child who was watching a three week-old recorded episode of "Modern Family" in the living room this past Saturday and came running into the bedroom, wanting to know what we were doing on Sunday at 8 pm, "because the American Music Awards are coming on, and I totally want to watch those. I love the AMA's, and I never miss them."

Yeah, um, except that apparently you're not THAT big of a fan, and apparently you DO miss them, because later in the day Mom and Dad got around to watching the same three-week recorded episode of "Modern Family" and took note of the ad for the AMA's that was embedded therein. Ad established that the AMA's were to take place the Sunday immediately following the three week-old recorded show, meaning that THE AMA'S WERE ALSO THREE WEEKS AGO. Big Kid apparently forgot that he was watching something from the not-so-distant past. Spouse and I registered what had happened at the same time, I looked at Spouse and opened my mouth to speak, and Spouse cut me off: "Don't you dare tell him. Wait until tomorrow at about 7:59 pm."

Spouse was never a blonde child.  Clearly.  Spouse is also of the opinion that it's not child abuse to have a little fun at your child's expense.  As it was, being that this is my blonde child, he forgot all about the VERY EXCITING NO-LONGER-UPCOMING AMA'S, and they were never mentioned Sunday night.  But it's entirely possible that we'll be treated with a forehead slap and a "I can't believe I missed them" comment later in the week.

And then the parental units will communicate silently with their eyes and attempt to reach a consensus as to whether to tell him that he missed them by roughly a month.

Not sure if blondes really do have more fun, but others certainly have more fun when they are around them.

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