Saturday, December 24, 2011
24 of 25: GIVE IT ON UP TO HOMELESSVILLE
Recent conversations between myself and the seven year-old:
[As we are walking downtown on a Wednesday afternoon, heading to see the Jaycees holiday tree and procure a cupcake from The Cupcakery.]
PJ: Mom, I'm ready to go home.
Me [assuming that this is a complaint about our displacement - by my count, complaint number one zillion and twelve]: Honey, the house doesn't have a floor. We can't go home.
PJ: No, Mom, I'm ready to go back to the APARTMENT.
Me: Oh, okay. Well, you know, no one's at the apartment right now, because Mom had to come into the office and Dad is volunteering with your brother at the chili lunch for the homeless.
PJ [stopping in the middle of the sidewalk and doing his best Justin Timberlake impression]: GIVE IT ON UP TO HOMELESSVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLE. [Yes, jazz hands were displayed at the end.] Hey, Mom. I just realized something: chili is soup. And that's what they serve at Homelessville - soup.
Me: Right, except that there's no actual charity called Homelessville.
PJ: That's what Santa says, but Justin Timberlake tells him that it's only one of the oldest soup and free-coat facilities in the northwest. So, it's totally real, Mom.
Me: I stand corrected.
[While I am scrubbing the toilet and he is taking a bath in the master bathroom.]
PJ: Mom, what kind of girl do you think I am going to date or marry?
Me: I don't know, hon. That's kind of up to you.
PJ: NO, Mom. When we walked in while you were watching the Victoria Secret Fashion Show, and the angels were talking about the one angel who's super-smart, you said, "That's the kind of girl you need, boys - a hot geek." So I have to look for a hot geek.
[So my children are familiar with the Victoria Secret Fashion Show. Sue me. And, yes, it's possible that I advised them that hot geeks are the end-all, be-alls of girlfriends. Because they totally are.]
Me: You don't have to do anything - but I think you would be happier if you find someone who enjoys doing the things that you like.
PJ: Right. So I need a girl who's nice, and funny, and smart, and active, and who enjoys ACTIVITIES.
[By the way, this is a good summation of PJ himself. Kid's pretty self-aware.]
Me: Sounds like a plan. What activities?
PJ: Ummmmm . . . sports. And . . . .
Me: Travel? [This was kind of a joke. As noted in a prior post, PJ's not a big fan of the concept. Because we have museums and stuff AT HOME, so why inconvenience yourself by going out of your way to look at someone else's?]
PJ: Ooh, that's a good idea. Hey, Mom, know where I want to go?
Me: I have no idea.
PJ: Florida. [Wow, dream big, kid.]
Me [anticipating that the answer is going to be "Disneyworld"]: What's in Florida?
PJ: Sharks. Sharks in the ocean, and sharks in aquariums, because there are sharks in the ocean and it's easy for them to catch them.
Me: Hmm. So you want to go to Florida to look at sharks. What else?
PJ: Um, pretty much just look at sharks.
Let the record show that, while I may exhibit questionable parenting skills by exposing my children to SNL and Victoria's Secret angels, I must be doing something right, because at least one of said children did not drink the corporate consumer Kool-Aid.
But he is a big fan of marine biology.