Personal Statement

Personal Statement

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Holy Fan Deck, Batman!

Benjamin Moore has introduced a new collection of paint colors, called the "Color Stories" collection.

And one of the new paints is called Gotham.

You probably guessed that it's a dark gray.  Actually, BM's copywriter advises us that "with shifting daylight, it's deep taupe . . . sepia . . . weathered gray.  Yet it consistently works within the whole picture."

I'm thinking that, perhaps, BM's copywriter used to work for the J. Peterman catalog people.

And hey - I just realized that Benjamin Moore is "BM" and Batman is also "BM"!

Okay, apparently I am somewhat sleep-deprived.  But I am also obsessed with finding a new paint color for our master bedroom, one that will go with the new color in the adjacent bathroom . . . which I also need to find.  Specifically looking for a grayish, taupe-y lavender for the bathroom, but not a deep taupe that is also kind of sepia when it's not busy being a weathered gray.

Sepia.  That's just fun to say.  And type.

(Yup.  Sleep-deprived.)

BM's copywriter informs me that Gotham looks good next to Warm Sand, which looks like it could be a promising color for the bedroom.  Wonder what BM Copywriter has to say about Warm Sand?

"Quickly, I ran out of the surf to lie down on the warm, sun-drenched beach. What a relaxing way to spend the day."

Um, okay.  So Warm Sand looks like . . . warm beach?  Yeah, not telling me a whole lot.  But I am advised that Warm Sand looks good next to Cake Batter and Amaretto.  Okay, that just makes me hungry.  BIG fan of amaretto-flavored things, and also of cake batter.  So amaretto cake batter is kind of a home run with me.

And Cake Batter looks sort of taupe-y lavender on my screen.  But I can't confirm, because all that BM Copywriter will tell me is that the color is "sweet, creamy and decadent.  Sometimes licking the spoon is just as good as eating the cake."

Yeah, no kidding, Sherlock.

Okay, sorry.  I stopped blogging for a moment in order to raid the kids' stash of Little Debbie Zebra Cakes.  Because a Zebra Cake was the closest thing to amaretto cake batter that I could readily access on short notice.  And it was delicious.  Sweet, and creamy in the middle, and sort of decadent.  Not "Marie Antoinette at the Court of Versailles" decadent, but a cheaper and tawdrier form of decadence.

Hmm.  Amaretto cake is to Little Debbie Zebra Cake as the Court of Versailles is to . . . um, I don't know, a hotel a block off of the Vegas strip?

Anyway.  Cake Batter, I am advised, looks good beside Dulce de Leche.  Okay, seriously, ENOUGH with the dessert names.  At least the description of Dulce de Leche is SOMEWHAT descriptive:

"A delicious blend of caramel and cream tones that lends an Argentinian air whenever it is used."

Yeah, okay, that last part is just stupid.  "An Argentinian air?"  WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?  I'm officially fed up with BM Copywriter - who wants me to know that Dulce de Leche goes great with Dark Chocolate.  Well, DUH.  And, also, Dark Chocolate is not to be confused with Mexican Hot Chocolate, a color that BM Copywriter describes as follows:  "Generations of mothers and grandmothers have gathered around large iron pots to hand-whisk the frothy drink."  OH, WAIT.  THAT'S NOT A COLOR DESCRIPTION AT ALL.  THAT'S AN INVITATION TO GET PUNCHED IN THE MOUTH.

On the bright side, the string of food names ends with Mexican Hot Chocolate.  Mexican Hot Chocolate looks good next to Ally's Earring (inspired by a "single, heirloom pearl") and Doily ("Hand crocheted, this delicate item served as a resting place for the beautiful antique vase").  Ohhhhh . . . now I get it.  BM Copywriter is confused and thinks that he or she is a contestant on the game show "Password," as opposed to someone who has been hired to make me, the consumer, actually want to purchase paint products.  Versus actually wanting to punch someone in the mouth.

Which might give rise to a new paint color, "Bruise," the description of which could be, "The blow delivered to the speaking portion of her face resulted in a contusion that did not break the skin but resulted in some discoloration."

Going to bed.

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