Personal Statement

Personal Statement

Friday, April 22, 2011

Things I'm Digging: Politically Correct Writing Instruments

Today I'm digging Facebook, a guy on Facebook named Derek Beyer, and the fact that Facebook caused me to come into virtual contact with a guy named Derek Beyer.

Earlier in the day, I procured a fresh Sharpie Pen from the supply room.  Our office manager stocks Sharpie pens because (1) Sharpie pens are lefty friendly, (2) I am a lefty, (3) our office manager likes me, and (4) I also happen to be the shareholder in charge of approving supply orders.

I took note of just how much I was enjoying my new Sharpie Pen (how much?  ridiculously much), and I wondered whether other lefties were similarly enamored.  Being the child of the Google Age that I am, I then proceeded to Boolean search "Sharpie pen lefties," to find out what other lefties had to say about the product.  (Because, apparently, the fact I found them to be awesome wasn't enough for me.  Rather, I needed validation from others.  Refer to "child of the Google Age," above.)

That search took me to the Facebook page of, which, apparently, is a site maintained by hardcore fans of Moleskine notebooks who like to talk about Moleskine notebooks not just on the mother Web site but also on an adjunct Facebook site.  Seriously; I'm not making that up.  Who would make up something like that?

It was through's Facebook page that I became acquainted (sort of) with Derek Beyer, who hails from Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania, and is currently studying at Temple University.  Derek had this to say about the Sharpie Pen (emphasis mine, and comments in brackets):

I use Sharpie Pens because lefties suffer from a discriminating pen market. [Amen, brother boyfriend.]  But Sharpie Pens don't smear and you have consistent ink flow [duly noted], which is a problem for lefties because roller ball pens are designed to be pulled, not pressed across the paper. I seem to have adopted most of the good habits for lefties somehow, but it can still be a hassle.

As God is my witness, Derek, I never understood why me and roller ball pens didn't get along, until you distilled the answer down to thirteen simple words.  Other people pull pens; I press them.  I have different pen needs, and roller ball pens are incompatible with those needs.  In other words, the problem lies not with me but with a material design flaw.

Derek, I feel so at peace with my left-handedness now.  And I'm delighted to hear that you, too, find joy in the Sharpie Pen.  May your Sharpie Pen (or pens, because - although great pens, with consistent ink flow - they do eventually run out, so realistically you are going to go through several of them between now and your projected graduation date in 2013) carry you throughout your college career and into whatever awesome post-collegiate life you have ahead of you.  And it will be awesome, because according to your public Facebook profile you are inspired by Carl Sagan and Tony Stark (the Robert Downey, Jr., version) and you enjoy watching "Everything's Sunny in Philadelphia."  All of these are "Good Things" (to quote The Martha) and speak well of your character and intelligence. 

Almost as well as your choice of pen.

No comments: