Personal Statement

Personal Statement

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Fun on the Interwebs: Groupon, Revisited

I have to share two recent Groupon items (or maybe they were Living Social or Gilt Group items - they all kind of run together):

1. Beekeeping lessons. Um, pass. I hate bees - not because I had a bad run-in with them, but because my mother had a tremendously bad lapse in judgment back in 1978. Let me set the scene: we had just gotten home from dinner at a favorite local Mexican joint, and my dad turned on the television as soon as we walked in. The TV was tuned to a promo for Irwin Allen's bee-themed horror movie, "The Swarm." I caught the tail-end of said promo, and I didn't react well to it. Don't recall, more than 30 years later, what my "tell" was - did I whimper, or flinch, or go ghostly pale? Whatever I did, my mom picked up on it. As she marched my eight year-old behind up the stairs to brush my teeth and get ready for bed, she asked, oh-so-sweetly, "Honey, did that thing about the bees scare you?" Nope, I said. She waited until I got two more stairs ahead, and then - SHE BUZZED AT ME. And I levitated off of the ground and flew up the rest of the stairs, down the hall, into my bed and under the covers. Seriously, it was like something out of Looney Tunes - you know, when they come up off of the ground and run in place in mid-air and all?

What is the statute of limitations for referring someone to Child Protective Services? Because I'm still emotionally scarred. For reals.

So, yeah, me and beekeeping is a PASS. Next.

2. Used golf balls. Um, really? Who markets these? A couple of kids whose parents or grandparents live in close proximity to a golf course? Because, in my experience, collecting used golf balls is a "summer-vacation-at-Grandma's, walking-the-golf-course-in-the-evening-with-the-neighbors'-visiting-grandkid-waiting-for-the-sprinkers-to-turn-on" kind of thing. It's possible that I might have waded into a water hazard to retrieve used balls once or twice. Or, you know, twenty times. Never thought of it as a money-making opportunity.

Keep 'em coming, Groupon (or whoever you are). Even if I don't appreciate the bargain, I do appreciate the trip down memory lane.

No comments: