Personal Statement

Personal Statement

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Batman Wants Me to Enjoy Fat Tuesday - And I Really Am Trying

This made me laugh.  So I had to share.

What I'm not laughing about:  being separated from my Mardi Gras decorations.  And my St. Pat's decorations.  And my Easter decorations.  On account of how I don't, currently, live in my own home.  And some of my spring decor is in storage, while other items are in my attic.  Attic is, kinda sorta, accessible, in the sense that you can pull the ladder down and the footing tees into a structural beam, but were you to come down the ladder with a large Rubbermaid tote of spring decor and decide to step off of the ladder (because, sooner or later, you would want to get off of the ladder, as opposed to standing on it, potentially, for all eternity), you would have a logistical problem, in that WE STILL DON'T HAVE A FLIPPIN' FLOOR.  Come down the ladder backwards:  tumble into the exposed crawlspace, pinned to the earth by a large Rubbermaid tote of spring decor.  Come down facing frontwards:  assuming that you have excellent balance, you could place the Rubbermaid tote on the beams in front of you, and then step - well, where would you step, exactly?  I guess we could create a temporary floor in the hallway using large pieces of plywood.  That's what the contractors do.  But probably not worth the effort, or the risk.

So the extent of our Mardi Gras celebration will consist of consuming iced fleur de lis sugar cookies from McKinley's Bakery - oh, and we might attend a pancake supper tonight at our church.  But that's it.  No beads, no nuthin'.  Given the substantial likelihood that we may still be in the apartment in April (I swear to you that I DON'T EVEN WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT), I am planning on prowling through the carriage house at some point in the next few days, to see if perhaps some of the spring decor might be in the carriage house as opposed to the house proper.  If so, I'll just work with what I've got.

Oy, vay. 

Okay, something to cheer me:

It's not TECHNICALLY Batman as the King of Mardi Gras, but it's Val Kilmer as the King of Mardi Gras, and, once upon a time, Val Kilmer was Batman.  Now, he's Unkempt, Sorta Pudgy and Definitely Weird Batman.  Which makes this picture amusing to me.  Although it's kind of amusing in its own right, because WHAT IN HADES IS UP WITH THAT CROWN?  That is NOT a "King of Mardi Gras" crown.  That is a prop from the set of "Miss Congeniality."  Two words:  Pageant.  Crown.  You can't wear a crown like that unless you come packing a rehearsed speech about world peace.

Photo above is even more amusing.  On account of the stance, and the tights, and the stance coupled with the tights.  Not black Batman tights, mind you.  WHITE tights - or, possibly, ecru.  Paired with another set of movie props - Jane Fonda's boots from Barbarella?  But with a lower heel.  Okay, those are sort of guy-appropriate.  Heel-height-wise.  But not otherwise, on account of that they are metallic.  I'm married to a habitual boot-wearer (case in point:  he wore them with a tuxedo the weekend before last), so I know of what I speak.  Quilled ostrich:  appropriate.  Elephant:  also appropriate (although a little upsetting to his wife, but I choose to think that his particular elephant died of natural causes).  Silver metallic whatever:  never appropriate.

Not even with a tux.

Rhetorical question:  where were those boots in 1994 when I wanted to be Barbarella at my annual Halloween house party?  You would think that in Austin, Texas, THE CAPITAL OF ALL THINGS WEIRD AND RETRO, you could find one stinkin' pair of silver or white go-go boots in a size 7 1/2.  Yeah, apparently not in October, if you wait until Halloween week.  I ended up going in the completely opposite direction from Barberella and dressing as my friend Joe (AKA "a generic UT frat guy").  Boots were involved, but they were cowboy boots.  Baseball cap, plaid shirt over a Ducks Unlimited tee (I think I even had a duck decoy hanging around my neck), jeans and a beer in a koozie grafted to my hand.  Can't remember why I went the Joe route - was it a joke?  A dare?  Was it rainy and/or cold that night?  I do remember it being the most comfortable Halloween costume ever.

I also remember that as the year that Spouse (who was not Spouse then, merely Boyfriend) dressed up as Canteen Boy.  You know, the Adam Sandler character from Saturday Night Live who has a deeply disturbing relationship with his scout master, as played by Alec Baldwin?

Spouse's costume was also deeply disturbing.

Somewhere I have a picture of Spouse in that costume.  In close proximity to that picture are photos of Spouse and me at Galveston Mardi Gras, taken later that same school year.  My personal favorite is a photo of Spouse attempting the " Texas debutante dip" at a reception for the Mardi Gras queen, after receiving a brief (and hilarious) tutorial from one of our friends, herself an ex-Mardi Gras princess.

I would share that picture with you, but . . . wait for it . . . it's in storage.

Okay, back to Val.  Focus on Val.  The peace sign, the double chin, the fact that, once upon a time, this dude was Batman - I'm starting to get back into the Mardi Gras spirit.

Hey, a peace sign!  Maybe the pageant crown is appropriate after all.

Laissez bon temps rouler, party peeps.

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